The early stages of dating are always tricky. Are we? Aren’t we? What are we?
Those uncertain, undefined, first few weeks or months can be perilous to navigate – neither party sure if the other is on the same page, or if you’re even going in the same direction. Add to that a global pandemic and government-issued social interaction rules that are changing on a weekly basis, and you’ve got a recipe for full-blown confusion.
In case you missed it, Boris issued a whole host of new, stricter measures in a bid to prevent a catastrophic second wave of Coronavirus cases in the UK. Pubs and restaurants are to close at 10 pm, gatherings are limited to six people and office workers are again being urged to work from home.
The new measures are set to be in place for six months. Brilliant. But what does this mean for couples? Well, it is no longer illegal for couples who don’t live together to have sex – after the government quietly reversed this law last week.
The catch is that you have to be in an ‘established relationship’ to be exempt from social distancing rules. But the government doesn’t define what an ‘established relationship’ means. And we don’t know what it means either.
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Do you have to have been together for more than a month? Three months? Met the parents? Been on holiday? Surely the definition of an ‘established’ relationship is subjective and different for everyone?
Under the government legislation, casual sex between two parties who don’t live together is still illegal. So – how do you know if you’re ‘casual’ or ‘established’ if you’re still in those tentative first weeks?
The new guidance is proving stressful for many people who are just getting in to new relationships, those who are still at the ‘talking stage’ or those who have been on a few dates but want it to become something more.
Do you dive in and commit before you’re fully ready to give yourselves more contact time during lockdown part two? Or do you keep your distance and risk being denied sleepovers for the next six months?
Rosa*, 33, is torn about whether to take her brand new relationship to the next stage because of the new guidance. She says she normally likes to take things slow when she really likes someone, but she feels like they need to have that conversation.
‘I’ve been seeing Tom* for about two months, which is no time at all really, but we just click,’ Rosa tells Metro.co.uk.
‘I met him at a socially distanced wedding, and since then we have had a few dates in the park while it was sunny, dinners (once at his, and once at mine), and a couple of wine bar dates. We also talk most nights on the phone. We’re definitely in that early phase where everything is really exciting and new.
‘Are we “established”? I just don’t know. I think it’s going to be something for sure, but we’re maybe not quite there yet.
‘I also don’t really want to be the one to initiate that conversation and look like I’m really keen and scare him off. I’m just worried that if we’re not on the same page and another lockdown comes into force, then we will never get to see what we could have been.
‘I just hate the fact that the government is now deciding whether or not I’m allowed to have sex. I understand it’s about safety – but it feels absolutely mad.’
Rosa isn’t alone in accelerating her journey towards a more serious relationship. The pandemic, the first six months of lockdown and the ongoing restrictions seem to have changed the dating world quite dramatically.
27% of Hinge users say they’ve been ghosting less during the pandemic, even though dating overall has gone up. Additionally, both in-person dates and video dates increased by 17% in August, in comparison to the same time last year.
‘This is promising for those looking to enter into a relationship, especially with new social distancing restrictions in place,’ explains Logan Ury, Hinge’s director of relationship science.
‘The uptick in dates and decrease in ghosting could be a sign that singles are now longing for companionship after such an isolating time.
‘We suspect ghosting is down overall because users have spent the last few months breaking bad habits and developing healthier ones – including being more intentional and thoughtful with their matches.’
Since the outbreak of the pandemic, 45% of Hinge users reported that they have developed new healthy dating habits and 69% have reported that they’ve been ‘thinking more about who they’re really looking for’.
‘People are really prioritising their dating lives which, in turn, means less ghosting,’ says Logan. ‘We saw a 30% increase in messages among users this past March, compared to January and February, as our community started to foster connections with their matches through digital dates. It’s clear that people are not putting their love lives on hold in 2020.’
The findings are similar in new research commissioned by dating app Badoo. They found that 47% of their users are more eager to find a partner than they were before lockdown, due to feeling lonely and wanting a partner in preparation of a second wave – or due to having lost time and expecting to have a partner by now.
They also found that 58% of singletons are claiming to be dating in search of a potential partner, with only 20% looking for casual hook-ups.
The main reason singletons are citing they are on the hunt for a potential partner is so they can find a romantic partner to spend time with should we enter a second wave of coronavirus.
This all sounds great if you’re looking for someone special. But there’s a danger that the pressures of these unprecedented times could lead people to rush into things. It’s fine to take it slow in those early weeks with someone new, but if your partner is keen to become ‘established’ and you’re not ready, that can be a really awkward conversation.
Natasha Briefel, the UK marketing director at Badoo says it is a particularly tricky time to be starting out in a new relationship, and that honesty is the most important thing.
‘We’ve heard from a lot of our community that they’ve been excited to get back on the dating scene again, in an (almost) normal capacity, so to have to navigate yet another new set of rules isn’t ideal, especially if you’re in the stage where you’re not quite official, but the restrictions are pushing you to take that step,’ Natasha tells Metro.co.uk.
‘What’s important, above all, is to just be honest about how you’re feeling with your partner, whether you want to accelerate your relationship so you can be together within the limits of the rules or slow it down because you’re not quite ready for that.
‘However you feel, it’s good to be upfront and honest with your partner. It’s likely they’ll also be experiencing similar feelings, and having an open conversation about it all will leave you feeling closer and able to move forward in a positive way.’
If we’ve learnt anything over the last year, it’s that you can’t predict what the next few months are going to look like, so talking about your relationship now, and understanding where you’re both at is a good idea.
‘You could even argue it’s a good way to start a relationship,’ Natasha adds. ‘If you can navigate an unprecedented time like this by being open and honest with each other, then you can navigate anything.’
So, if you’ve been looking for an excuse to have ‘the conversation’ – this is it. You can blame the government.
Do you have a story to share? We want to hear from you.
Get in touch: metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.
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