How to get your ex girlfriend back. In the first part of this article, I’m going to go through five different ways that you can use immediately that will help you to regain your confidence in a relationship or a previous relationship.
Specifically in a way that allows a woman, or your ex girlfriend, to become attracted to you like she was when you first met her.
In the second part of this article, I am going to draw your attention to five of the main character traits that women find unattractive in a man.
If you’re trying to rekindle your relationship, this section is crucial to you.
It will offer you an insight into some of the behaviours that you have exhibited over the period of your relationship, and how they may have led to its demise.
Before we begin, it is important to realise that sometimes relationships can’t be saved and if your relationship has come to its finite conclusion.
Then it is more about acceptance and moving on to the next phase of your life – if you identify with this then I suggest you also read my ultimate guide to get back into dating.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #1 – Go back to how you were when you first met
So let’s get into this. The first tip on how to get an ex girlfriend back is to return to how you were when you first met her – playful, fun, easy-going, no serious conversations.
This is the thing that guys say to me all the time; “I need to get her there to have a serious conversation.”
I immediately reply, “No, you don’t. Definitely do not do that. Definitely do not try and have a serious conversation.”
You are trying to showcase to your ex-girlfriend that you are indeed the person that she liked when you first met her.
So all of this serious talk, all of this having it out. No, you don’t want to go down that route.
Go and rekindle the fun parts of your relationship
What you need to do is to just relax and look at the situation like you’re dating again for the very first time.
Now, what does this mean? It means that you go and do fun stuff together. You don’t go and sit down and have a serious conversation or sit down and have a meal to talk things over.
Instead, you want to go out and do fun activities – go hiking, go and play pool, go to the arcade, go and play crazy golf, go bouldering.
Go and do anything together that will allow you to have fun and steer away from that serious conversation.
I would go as far as to say that if the girl brings up having a conversation with you, that you should reply: “Let’s talk about that later.
I’m enjoying spending too much time with you at the moment” and you put off that conversation.
Before you know it the more intoxicating you will become because the more fun you are, the less serious you are, and consequently the more attractive you become.
That is one of the cast-iron ways that can help get your ex back by allowing her to view you in a different light.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #2 – Get your life in order
Now, the second tip on how to get your ex back is to get your life in order.
Now you shouldn’t do this to declare your love for a girl; “I’m going to get my life in order so that she’ll want me back.”
No, you’re getting your life in order because, clearly, it’s out of order if the girl’s not into you anymore.
So you want to get your life in order ideally by learning something new. It’s one of the reasons why I read every day.
You see, when we learn something new it fires off neurons in these neuro-pathways in our brain and we start making links and connections and suddenly we’re fast, we’re thinking clearly, we’re in order.
We’re not chaotic, because when you’re learning something new, there’s just an energy to you.
In my experience, taking a course in anything new is going to help you to just get your life back in order and to feel more confident.
Consider taking a dating confidence course to help get your ex back
I cannot tell you the number of clients that have come to my dating confidence courses to get their ex-girlfriend back.
They take a course, they learn all the communication skills, the meditation practises that I teach, and off the back of it they have this newfound confidence.
The ex gets back in contact and they end up dating again. A primary reason for is that they are now in control of their life.
If your life is out of order and in chaos you need to accept that is your responsibility.
Trying to live through your ex, or declaring your love for her, or thinking that you need her in your life, is not only unattractive, but it’s also a little bit repulsive.
We’re drawn to people that have a nice energy about them. We’re not drawn to needy desperate and try-hard people.
So getting your life in order quickly is a great way of getting your confidence back and showcasing your attractive qualities to your ex-girlfriend.
But as I say, don’t do it just because you want to declare your love for her. That’s the wrong thing to do and she’ll see right through it.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #3 – Do not suggest getting back together
Now, the third thing you can do to try and get ex back is to never suggest getting back together again.
Just don’t do it. Okay?
I know what you’re going to do, you’re going to do it anyway, but when you are about to feel yourself do it, just don’t do it.
It’s more powerful to wait and allow the girl to suggest it to you. Instead, you focus your energy on being fun, being playful, enjoying time together, working on yourself, developing your life.
Do not start saying, “Oh, we should get back together”, because again, what you’re doing is you’re showcasing neediness.
You need to demonstrate to her that you’re fine by yourself. You’re confident by yourself. Your life is going in a good direction.
And guess what? She can be part of that. But in my experience, as soon as you utter those words, you’re going to hit her kill switch. Right?
You’re going to hit her kill switch and she’s not going to be attracted to you anymore.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #4 – Don’t jump through unnecessary hoops
So the fourth tip on how to get your ex back is to not jump through all of the hoops to try and get her back.
Now, I know how you feel.
You like this girl, she’s broken up with you and you want to get her back, and you’re now willing to do whatever it takes to do that. Again, this is the wrong thing to do.
By jumping through loads of hoops, by declaring your love for her, by going out of your way to do things for her that she doesn’t ask you to do.
This is a thing that a lot of ex-boyfriends do as they try to overcompensate.
“Oh, you need a new car? I’ll help you with this, I’ll help you with this, I’ll do this, I’ll do this, I’ll do this,” and they just give, give, give and give.
So do not jump through all of those hoops. In my experience, guys tend to make up most of these hoops for themselves anyway; “I’m going to do this for her and I’m going to show her”.
The more they do that, the further they go from their centre and the further they go from being attractive to her.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #5 – Be a leader in your life
And the final way to try and get your ex back is to be a leader in your life and not a follower.
This is one of the biggest things that I teach on my skype dating confidence courses; to lead and not follow, and there are many different ways you can do this in your life.
First of all, you can stop asking everyone for advice unless you’re paying for the advice.
Now, what do I mean by that? Just stop asking friends and family for their advice on an area where they’re not qualified to give it.
In my experience, you are better off hiring a professional that can help give you cast-iron advice.
Leave the advice-asking to the professionals and not through friends and family.
It just illustrates so much insecurity and indecision when you’re always asking people, “What do I do here? What do I do there?”
Instead, you get the right advice and you make a decision and you stick by it.
Leaders are attractive to women
Listen, many years ago, when I first sold my shares in my previous business to set up Social Attraction, everyone in my life told me it’d be a failure.
Everyone told me it’s never going to work.
Everyone told me that I was dreaming and you know what? To a certain extent they were right because the person I was when I first started my business is not the person that is writing this today.
However, it doesn’t matter because the man that made that decision to do it was a leader, and yes, I went through difficult periods when I first started my business.
However, in making that decision to lead my life, taking on the challenge and making it work no matter what happens, is taking charge of your life.
You’re leading it. That kind of decision, that kind of person, is attractive to women because he’s leading his life.
He’s not scared. He’s not petrified.
In contrast, he’s making the right call. Just to elaborate on this – when you make decisions; big, bold decisions and you become a leader, that’s when the challenge really starts.
Significantly, that’s also when you begin to take control of the wheel in your life and start creating some order.
Summary (part 1)
In summation, I know how difficult it can be when an ex has broken up with you, so let’s just go through my five top tips on how you can try and get her back.
- #1 – Go back to acting how you first did when you first met her. Be enjoyable, be fun, share experiences together.
- #2- Quickly get your life in order by learning something. Read a random new book, take one of my dating confidence courses, go and learn meditation, do something new that gets your brain firing.
- #3 – Never suggest getting back together. As soon as you do that, remember, you’re going to hit her kill switch.
- #4 – Do not jump through all of these fake hoops that we put in our mind. Do not try and declare your love and do everything for her to get her back. That’s also going to hit her kill switch and it’s never going to work.
- #5 – Become a leader and not a follower in your life. This means taking accountability for your life, getting the advice that you need and then making a decision and sticking with that decision. It’s fine to be wrong. It doesn’t make a difference if you’re wrong. The point is you made a decision and leaders make decisions.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back – 5 Ways That You Were Turning Your Her Off (part 2)
Over the last 10 years, I’ve hosted an array of different dating confidence courses for men.
From taking my clients out into the real world and watching how they communicate to doing classroom-based learning and also via Skype tuition.
This has given me a unique observational awareness of the unattractive behavioural or character traits that men carry out when speaking to women.
Traits that you may have exhibited during the course of your relationship with your ex girlfriend.
And so in this second section, I’m going to go through the five most common conversation mistakes that I see when I host my dating confidence courses.
These five mistakes are primarily behavioural or character traits that you are doing that are hitting a woman’s kill switch.
Now, what do I mean by hitting her kill switch? Well, on a biological level, there are certain traits that women generally find ultra unattractive.
If you imagine that there is a blank canvas and there is a line going from left to right on that canvas, many men spend their time trying to be above that line.
How do I become more attractive? How do I become a more attractive man?
The difficulty is that different women find different attributes attractive.
Whereas if you look underneath that line, what we find is that unattractive traits are generally universal; meaning unattractive to every single woman.
So you are better versed to spend your time eradicating unattractive behaviours first.
If you can do that, you are 90% better than most other guys, because they are hitting a woman’s kill switch more often than you can imagine.
So as you read this, there’s probably going to be a few things that you are currently doing that are hitting a woman’s kill switch.
The good news is that you can simply stop doing them immediately or at least have the awareness to not exhibit them anymore in your future interactions.
Whether these interactions are with your ex girlfriend or with new women.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #1 – Being judgemental
Now the first one is by being judgemental; meaning assigning a judgement to people and generally being mean about their appearance or their character traits.
You see, when you are assigning judgements, what you’re really doing is taking all of the information that’s around you and you’re assigning a judgement to a specific area.
What this does, is it offers a woman an insight into what your personality is like.
And if you are judging other people, how do you think she feels that you’re going to be like with her?
It is obvious you are going to end up putting her off because she feels like, at some point, you’re going to judge her.
Just wind forward to if you potentially wanted to try and escalate to kiss her.
If you’ve been judgmental about 10 things already, how do you think she’s going to feel about kissing you?
She’s going to feel anxious because she thinks that you’ll also be judging that moment. So please remember that a lack of judgement is hugely more attractive than being judgemental.
Being judgemental will, I guarantee you; hit a woman’s kill switch every single time.
I’ve seen this happen so many times where interactions are going really well and all of a sudden someone become a little bit judgmental, bang, kill switch is hit, and a woman loses interest.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #2 – Being negative
The second conversation mistake that instantly turns women off is by being negative. And by this, I mean being pessimistic instead of being optimistic.
Now, I’m not saying you have to be the most optimistic man in the world, but you do have a choice on how you decide to view situations.
And being pessimistic about everything is really draining.
We all know someone who has a pessimistic filter; he’s pessimistic about life and pessimistic about any situations that come his way.
And it’s draining. It’s so draining to be around someone who’s pessimistic; who’s been there, seen it, done it, and then who already know what’s going to happen in advance.
It’s wearisome and it just takes away any electricity from that conversation – and over a longer period of time – from a relationship.
In contrast, when you meet someone optimistic, it’s like a breath of fresh air. It’s like you meet a girl and you’re optimistic about things coming up in your day.
There’s energy and all of a sudden that girl you’re speaking to wants to be part of that energy source. And she doesn’t want to feel awful after speaking to you because you’ve hit her kill switch.
So remember that being negative, being pessimistic, is very unattractive to women.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #3 – Being too self indulgent
Now the third conversation mistake that instantly turns women off is being self-indulgent. This entails bragging about your achievements and generally being too ego-driven.
I’ve seen this so many different times. It’s almost like guys are at a job interview; they start speaking to a woman and start saying.
“Yeah, well, when I did this.. when I did that ..when I did this.. when I did that.”
They’re listing out their achievements, and it simply results in hitting a woman’s kill switch.
It’s okay, but what about having an actual conversation here?
And the thing is when you are listing achievements, what does that say about you?
It highlights that you’re ego-driven, and it shows that your whole life is more about the achievement and little about the enjoyment of what it is that you’re doing.
And that’s a big one for women because they enjoy sharing experiences as opposed to just hearing I’ve done this and I’ve done that.
Being ego-driven is a very unattractive trait, and it can switch women off immediately when you first meet them or wear them down over time in a relationship.
Significantly, if you want to speak about your achievements there’s a more powerful way of doing that.
If you want to say, “I’ve travelled to 57 countries in the world,” what you could say instead is, “When I was travelling in South America, I noticed this.“
It’s much more humble, much more fun, much more engaging and much more attractive.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #4 – Being overly opinionated
Now the fourth conversation mistake that instantly turns women off is being opinionated about everything. And again, we all know someone that does this.
They talk about politics, family affairs, and they are nosy about everything and anything and like to give you their unwanted or uninvited view.
However, you don’t need to have an opinion. If a girl is speaking about something, you do not need to give your opinion on that.
Okay? You can listen, you can demonstrate empathy, you can reflect back what she says, you can connect with her and you do not need to give your opinion.
In truth, every single time you find yourself giving unsolicited advice to someone, that is giving your opinion.
And again, it’s so off-putting to women particularly over the course of a longer-term relationship.
Remember it’s different if they ask you for your assistance or they ask you for help. Then you are welcome to help them.
But if you’re someone who is just giving your opinion about everything, oh my God. It adds strain in the conversation.
It just makes it so boring for the women you’re speaking to, and again it hits their kill switch. Especially if you do that too often.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back #5 – Being dismissive
Now the fifth and final conversation mistake that instantly turns women off is when you are being dismissive to them.
By that, I mean when you’re not listening to her and you’re disengaged by what she’s saying – which is a big cause for a break up in relationships.
And for the people who think they are very good listeners – indeed everyone thinks they’re a good listener.
How often is there a gap when you’re speaking to a woman between what she says and what you say?
Because most of the time it’s ‘I’ speak, ‘she’ speaks, ’I’ speak, ‘she’ speaks…one after the other. What it should be is ‘I’ speak and then ‘she’ speaks with a pause between dialogue.
Indeed if there isn’t that gap then you are not an effective listener because you’re thinking in advance of what to say next.
And guess what? When you think too much in advance, you give yourself anxiety, stress; you mess up the flow of the conversation.
You move from your centre because you’re trying too hard. All of these things come because you cannot listen effectively.
It’s interesting because, on my dating confidence courses that I host, I’ve noticed that people really do struggle to listen. It’s actually quite astonishing how bad we all are at listening.
Undeniably, being able to actively listen is an essential skill that most guys do not have, as is being able to paraphrase what someone says back to them.
And in reality, it’s something that you can do immediately that will help you in your dating interactions, as well as in your interactions with an ex girlfriend that you are trying to get back into your life.
Summary (part 2)
So let’s just quickly summarise the five mistakes that instantly turn your ex girlfriend and other women off:
- #1 – Being judgmental.
- #2 – Being negative.
- #3 – Being self-indulgent.
- #4 – Being opinionated.
- #5 – Being dismissive.
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Gary Gunn – Founder of Social Attraction
Hi there, I offer a range of different ways that I can help you to increase your dating confidence.
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