In the first part of this how to talk to women article, I’m going to outline the five biggest areas that you can talk about with women.
Specifically, topics that allow women to find you more intriguing, more mysterious, and a better conversationalist.
The aim from the first segment of this blog is to illuminate how you can create positive emotional responses when you are speaking to women.
In the second part of this article, I will show you how to become suggestive in conversation. You will learn how to avoid the friend-zone and make your intention known from the outset that you like her. So let’s get started with my first tip.
How to talk to women #1 – Take her off the flat line
The first point here is to imagine a conversation is like a heart rate monitor.
So you’ve got a flat line which is a line that goes straight through the middle, then you can go up or you can go down.
Ideally, when you’re speaking to women, you want to take them off the flat line.
And you’ll recognise when you’re having a flat line conversation; it will feel stale, really boring, and you’ll find the energy sapped out of the interaction.
All you need to do to come off that flat line is either go up or go down.
Now you can go up by giving a girl a compliment, which is a positive emotion.
And how you do that? Ideally, it’s saying something about her personality or her job for example. You compliment her and you’re honest.
Another way of taking a woman off the flat line is by being flirty and by being playful.
Now, if you can do either of these, what they will do is take a woman off the flat line and it will make the conversation far more intoxicating to them.
I’ll talk more about how to take a woman off a flat line via flirting later on in this article.
How to talk to women #2 – Relaying childhood stories to connect
The second thing that women like to talk about is your depth of character.
How I teach people to do this on my dating confidence courses for men is by relaying genuine childhood stories as it’s such an easy tool to use and, in fact, not enough people know about it or use it in my opinion.
If you implement what I’m about to teach you, you will be able to connect with women. You will be far more attractive.
All you have to do to relay a childhood story is to select any random word that a girl says in conversation.
For example, if she says she’s just going for a coffee with her friends, great. Take the word ‘coffee’ and simply start talking. I remember my first experience of coffee …and just say the first thing that comes into your mind.
Your earliest childhood memory about anything has emotions attached to it.
So what will happen is the woman will be able to connect with you, first of all, because she would have had a similar experience from childhood.
Secondly, you’ll be putting energy into the interaction.
And third of all, you’ll be showing your depth of character and most guys, most of the time, do you not have the confidence to talk about their childhood, especially when they first meet women.
In my experience, it’s one of the best things that you can do to make a connection.
See the infographic below that will help you to work on your confidence as a man.
How to talk to women #3 – Demonstrating empathy
The third area that you can talk about with women is themselves, and how you can talk to them and about themselves is by demonstrating empathy.
Now, empathy is your ability to understand someone else’s view of the world.
Please note that if you are someone who simply nods when a girl is speaking to you, you are not demonstrating empathy at all because she cannot discern that you know what she’s talking about.
If you’re sat down and you’re nodding and you think you’re connected, you’re not. You might be in rapport, but you’re certainly not demonstrating empathy.
The only way to demonstrate empathy is to reflect back what the girl is saying to you. It is as simple as that. You feel emotion because of reason.
I’ll give you an exact example as say a girl points out that she’s just started doing personal training and she’s excited about it. You feel (insert the emotion) excited because you’ve just started personal training (which is the reason).
You feel emotion because of reason – it’s as simple as that.
And you know when you get it right because the girl will nod back at you immediately.
If you learn how to demonstrate empathy, which is one of the most potent therapy tools in behavioural psychology.
You will be able to connect with women in a way that no one else has ever connected with them in their life, just by simply reflecting back what they say.
It’s called demonstrating empathy, and as well as teaching it on all my courses, I use it every single day. It is awesome.
How to talk to women #4 – Deliberate misinterpretation
Now the next way you can talk to women is similar to demonstrating empathy, but it’s used as a way of misinterpreting what a woman says to be fun and to be playful.
And these are really, really funny. You simply take what a girl says and you misinterpret back to her.
So if we use the example I just gave in the previous section with the girl who has started her personal training course; “So you are excited because you are learning to be a personal trainer”.
That’s a pure reflection; that’s when you reflect back to demonstrate empathy.
However, you can also misinterpret the same thing by saying, “Oh, you’re excited because you get to go to the gym and you can now chat up all the hot guys working out”
So you take what she says and you deliberately misinterpret and reflect back to her.
In the second section of this article, I’ll go into more detail on how to flirt using this.
In your conversation skills, in your emotional intelligence, in your communication toolbox, being able to reflect back at any time and either connect or misinterpret to flirt is a powerful thing to be able to do.
Just practising those two things will ensure that you never have another boring conversation again in your entire life.
If you want to learn how to demonstrate empathy and reflect back then you can click this link to find out more – Skype online dating confidence courses. They’re two of my favourite things, and I love teaching them.
How to talk to women #5 – Create uncertainty
Now, we come to the fifth and final area of how to talk to women, and again, this is awesome.
Create uncertainty when you’re speaking to women and what do I mean by uncertainty?
I’ll give you a great example from a coffee shop I was in yesterday. So I was talking to the manager there and one of the girls that worked he worked with came over to speak to him.
And she pointed out that she’s now up to 40 hours during the day, whereas she was only doing 30 before.
And he said, “Oh great. So whose job have you taken?” She replied, “What? I haven’t taken anyone’s job.”
He reiterated, “Well if you’re doing 40 hours, you must have done.” Obviously, he was pulling her leg, but she wasn’t sure. She was like, “Are you joking? Are you not?” And she really wasn’t sure.
What was happening during this exchange is he was creating uncertainty about what his intent was behind his spoken words.
And the thing is when you can create uncertainty, you begin to create sexual tension because she doesn’t know. Is he mocking me? Is he not? I don’t know.
And that uncertainty is a really powerful feeling or sentiment that a girl can feel, and you can start to really amp it up and just have a laugh.
So any time you can create uncertainty with someone or with a girl that you like, its fun as they’re not sure. It builds anticipation and it builds mystery.
It just allows everyone to want to get to know you more, and it’s also very entertaining too.
Summary (part 1)
So let’s round this up. What do women like to talk about with men? I talked about the following five things.
- #1- Take women off a line conversation. If you’re having a boring conversation, either compliment her or flirt with her. Please do one or the other. Don’t carry on being boring.
- #2 – Share childhood stories to convey depth of character. This will enable you to connect with anyone. You can do it with friends, family. You can do it with girls that you like. Any childhood stories are awesome.
- #3 – Demonstrate empathy. You feel emotion because of reason. This also builds the first foundations of trust and will enable you to start a relationship by connecting via empathy. Awesome.
- #4 – Misinterpret a girl by using a reflection and you literally take what she says and you reflect it back in a funny way. Thinking back over my courses, we’ve had some genuinely amazing reflections that still now make me laugh. Reflections are awesome and they work.
- #5 – Create uncertainty when you’re talking to them. You can pull their leg a little bit, let them not know whether you’re being serious or not. By doing that, what you’re doing is creating an emotion in the girl. You’re taking her off the flat line. You’re being fun and you’re being interesting.
How to talk to women – Being suggestive in conversation (part 2)
How to turn a woman on – So in this article, I’m going to teach you how to influence a woman’s imagination so that she becomes turned on around you in conversation.
Now, just before I get into this, we need to distinguish the difference between influence and persuasion.
Like most people, if you’ve never had coaching in this area when you have a differing opinion to someone, you’re likely to go straight to persuasion; you try to persuade them to your way of thinking, you try and change their mind.
Now, for me, persuasion is an utter waste of time as you move away from your centre and you try way too hard.
Influence, however, is the Holy Grail.
Influence is when you change someone’s perspective by allowing them an opportunity to change their thinking.
So I want to give you a very quick example here, say that someone declares that carbohydrates are bad for you.
You can try and persuade someone that’s not true by saying, “Yeah, but for some people it’s good.” Ultimately you’re wasting your time because that person’s made up their mind, right?
However, if you want to influence their behaviour, if they say, “Carbohydrates are bad for you,” you would say, “So there’s not a single person on this planet that benefits from carbohydrates?“
That’s called an amplified reflection, and it’s a keystone tool that I use to influence people’s behaviour, and it is very powerful.
So now we’ve distinguished the difference between influence and persuasion which I hope you’ve understood, so let’s get into the 99.9% of ways that you can turn women on by implementing exactly this.
Now, normally when you are speaking to women, one of the tools that you can use is called demonstrating empathy – which we covered in the earlier section.
In a nutshell, all you have to do is reflect back what a girl says to you.
You can even simply call it an echo. If a girl says, “I like going to the gym, because I feel healthy,” you say “You like going to the gym because you feel healthy.” “Yes, that’s right.”
As outlined, you know when you’ve echoed or reflected back correctly because the girl will nod and smile, and probably say yes.
By the way, that’s one of the most powerful ways to build trust with women.
How to talk to women #1 – Misinterpret what she says
You can also use reflective listening to misinterpret someone on purpose. When you can misinterpret a girl as being adventurous or having a naughty side, it’s extremely powerful.
So say for example a girl says, “I like going to the gym because it makes me feel healthy,” you can misinterpret that and say, “You like going to the gym because you want to hit on all of the guys there. I knew you had a naughty side to you.”
So what you’re doing here is you’re reflecting back, but you’re deliberately misinterpreting what she’s saying in a way that allows you to accuse her of being sexual or having a naughty side; in effect to give it a shade of deeper meaning.
It’s really fun to reflect in this manner because what you’re ultimately doing is being playful.
You’re countering what she says with something funny or amusing.
Another way in which you can misinterpret when you’re first speaking to a girl is if she’s holding very strong eye contact, you can say to her:
“Oh my God, you’re doing that locked-in sexual eye contact thing, you’re trying to flirt with me. God, I didn’t realise you could be this naughty after just meeting someone.”
So what you’re doing, is establishing right at the start that you’re calling her out on everything that she does. You’re being playful with regards to her being sexual.
And this is fun to do, and it will get a girl to open up and be more receptive to what you’re suggesting. You’re being playful and you’re creating a bit of tension.
You will know if you are flirting effectively as she will be giving off signs that she is flirting back (see infographic below).
How to talk to women #2 – Make challenging statements
Now, the second thing that you can do is make statements which challenge her about being rebellious or adventurous.
So you can say, “I bet you were rebellious as a kid.” And she’ll respond, “Actually, I wasn’t, I was more rebellious as an adult.”
As long as you can open the door to a woman thinking about being adventurous or rebellious, what you’re beginning to then do is to lead her onto similar thoughts.
So you’re influencing her thoughts onto thoughts of being rebellious. This could range from skinny dipping as a kid to any action where she’s rebelled against society, or been daring and adventurous.
And then you can just delve further, and say, “When was the last time you were adventurous.” You’ve now opened the gateway to that conversation.
This is very different to what most guys are speaking to her about, especially in the first few minutes of meeting her.
How to talk to women #3 – “Oh, I thought you were…” statements
Now, the third technique which is very easy to implement (and one that I really enjoy) is to remember this statement, “Oh, I thought you were.…”
I’ll explain why in a second, but just remember, “Oh, I thought you were…” This is a great phrase, and you can finish it however you want. Say you first meet a girl and she’s reading a book, “What book are you reading?”
She replies: “Oh, this is a romance novel.” You: “Oh, I thought you were more intelligent than that.”
Okay, you’re being playful. If a girl says she’s a doctor, “Oh, I thought you’d have a more intelligent job.”
Or if a girl’s a personal trainer, “Oh, I thought you’d be more into fitness, I thought you’d have a higher qualification for training.“
What you’re doing is, whenever a girl says she is something, you say, “Oh, I thought,” and you go over her frame with something bigger, more intelligent, more adventurous, and more fun.
Whatever it is, but you start by saying, “Oh, I thought you were.”
This is one of the best dating role plays that I go through on my dating confidence courses because you can talk to any woman and you could just throw in:
“Oh, I thought,” at any time in the interaction, and it takes her off that boring flat line conversation that we spoke about earlier and makes the exchange far more interesting and intoxicating.
It begins to challenge her to be more adventurous and to be more fun. The more that you can wind her up in this way, then the more you can create sexual tension and the more turned on she will be.
How to talk to women #4 – “Are you adventurous…?” enquiry
Now let’s just get onto my bonus way, because this is just a great thing to do that will turn women on, especially on a night out as it’s just a great way of being fun and playful.
So all you have to do when you’re on a night out and you’re having a bit of fun with a girl, you say to her, “Are you adventurous?“
Most people will not like to deny this so she will say, “Yes, I am.” You may get the occasional girl that says no, but for the majority of the time, they will say yes.
You: “Okay, what can we do right now that would be adventurous?” Because she said yes to your first question, you’ve now opened the gateway; you’ve influenced her thought to say, “Yes, I’m adventurous.”
You: “Okay, what can we do right now that would be adventurous?”
Now, sometimes a girl will say, “Oh well, we could kiss,” sometimes they’ll say, “We can do shots.”
You want to reject the first thing that she says because it’s funny.
So if she says, “We could shots,” you respond with “No, I thought you said you were adventurous.” Girl: “Oh, well, we could kiss.”
You: “Uhh, I thought you said you were adventurous.” So what you’re doing here is influencing her to then think of something even more adventurous.
And as I say, all of this stuff is fun, it’s not like you are taking something away from an interaction.
Whenever you use any of these tools or techniques, you are injecting some fun and some excitement to the women that you’re speaking to.
I would go as far as to say, that if you’re not being playful, that you’re probably being boring and you’re being on that flat line which I talk about in other articles or podcasts.
Summary (part 2)
So let me wrap this up and give you a brief overview of the four main takeaways from this article.
- #1 – You can echo back what a woman says, but you misinterpret it on purpose. And if you can misinterpret it as her being sexual or having a naughty side, that’s very powerful.
- #2 – Make statements which challenge her, so being rebellious or being adventurous. Again, a great tool to induce some fun.
- #3 – Make “Oh, I thought you were…” statements to be more adventurous, more fun, and more intelligent. Pick whatever it is, have fun with it and go and try it with someone you know today, you will get a fun response.
- #4 – Ask a girl, “Are you adventurous?” If she says yes, “What can we do right now that would be adventurous?” And what you can do then is just say in answer to whatever she responds, “Hmm, I thought you said you were adventurous, think of something better.”
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