The feeling around dating apps post-lockdown was initially one of excitement – finally those virtual dates could translate into real life drinks and meets.
But perhaps, like all things that are overhyped and anticipated, the reality seems somewhat stale when it does arrive.
The opportunities to meet someone organically are growing but they’re still not what they were, which elevates the significance dating apps can have in our romantic lives.
So, if you’re looking for a relationship – but are jaded by the apps – how can you move forward?
‘Online dating has been a great way, during the pandemic, of keeping the flame of hope alive.
‘With the normal rhythm of work and play being disrupted, meeting your love-to-be in a virtual world has often been the only possibility,’ says Neil Wilkie, a relationship expert, psychologist, and author of The Relationship Paradigm.
While dating apps can be the starting point of a wonderful relationship, he continues: ‘What dating apps avoid is that accidental wonderful moment where the universe provides a chance encounter with someone who is way outside your checklist of necessary attributes – you just connect and fall in love.’
He also says that virtual dating allows for a ‘fantasy world’ to be created, and that’s another reason why apps can leave you fatigued when the illusion has shattered.
‘When the fantasy world collides with reality it can become very uncomfortable,’ Neil adds.
How to move past feeling jaded
When this feeling hits, it might be tempting to slow down your use of the app, but still press on in some way to find a date.
Your heart most likely won’t be in it.
‘If you are feeling jaded, you need a break,’ says Neil.
‘If we feel under pressure to find the perfect partnership, almost everything will be a disappointment.
‘Focus on what you really want in the future. Delete the fantasy about how tall they are, how much they weigh, what they look like, and instead concentrate on feeling good about yourself.
‘Having someone new in your life will not magically transform you. You need an equal partner not a rescuer.’
He also believes this provides a good opportunity to reflect and take stock.
Consider what your key values are and what essential values you’re looking for in a prospective partner.
‘Once you have built the firm foundations of “me” and have clarity on the “you” to fit, then you can step back out into the dating world to build the perfect “us”,’ he says.
‘Accept that it is okay to be single and use the time, partner-free, to build your happiness and fulfilment.
‘If you can do this your inner glow will shine out and make you much more attractive to a potential partner than someone who is feeling jaded.’
Taking a clear break will help you arrive on those apps refreshed in the future.
You might be ready to come back after a break from the apps, in which case it can be helpful to consider how you might engage with them differently this time round to avoid them becoming tiresome again.
Neil says your outlook when approaching apps is important for this – you should treat them as part of the journey, not a direct line to a set destination.
‘Enjoy the journey, have fun, and learn from the ups and the downs,’ he says, though it’s easier said than done.
‘Be very clear about the feelings that you want to achieve and accept that you may have to encounter many people along the way.
‘If you can frame the outcome of each meet as having an interesting encounter with a new person, then you are likely to avoid feeling so jaded.
‘If you go into each new meeting hoping to fall in love and create the ideal partnership, then disappointments will echo through your life,’ he adds.
In a social construct that puts so much stock on romantic love, it can take practice to approach dating apps in this way.
The good news is that adapting your approach and way of thinking will establish a healthier relationship between you and your dating apps.
But first, take a break.
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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