For this week’s How I Do It, our series in which people give us a sneak peek into their sex life, we hear from Sophia*, a 25-year-old creative from London.
Sophia has been navigating her personal relationship with ethical non-monogamy (when you’re sexually open with more than one person, but are honest about this) and, while being comfortable with the fact that she’s not into exclusivity, is yet to find a label that she feels really fits her.
She currently has different ‘sex friends’ that she’s seeing, and has been actively exploring her sexuality more and more.
Sophia says sex is her ‘go-to subject of conversation’, and describes skin-on-skin contact as ‘the best thing ever’.
She’s happy that she’s now ‘much more able to ask sexual partners for what I want and need’ than she had been previously, but adds that she’d like her sex life to be a bit kinkier sometimes.
Here’s how she’s been getting on…
Friday
I stayed over at a partner’s flat and had penetrative sex slowly for the first time in a while – we tend to stick to oral.
It was much better than it has been. I feel like we have struggled to get into the rhythm in comparison to other forms of sex.
I think it could be linked to me getting an IUD inserted and my feeling a bit sensitive about having foreign objects inside of me.
This time, it felt like the kind of earth-stopping sex – a rare occasion where my mind didn’t wander, even with The Last Dance on the telly in the background.
Saturday
I was supposed to go to a party with a partner today, but he cancelled because he wasn’t up to it.
I didn’t mind about the party but could have done with a bit of skin-on-skin action.
We ended up talking on the phone for four hours though, which was nice. Not so much about sex though, just stuff.
We only really talk like that on the phone because we usually end up f***ing if we’re in the same room as one another.
It’s nice in its own way. We definitely would have gone to bed earlier if we’d hung out in person.
When I behave in a couple-y way with someone, I get more tired early in the day.
Is it just me who has this? Or is that just because the prospect of monogamy sends me to sleep?
Sunday:
I went all the way to west London to be on my friend’s podcast and talk about sex.
It was fascinating talking to people who had never heard the words ‘queer’ or ‘non-binary’ and having to define them to explain differences between sexuality and gender.
It made me realise how much of a bubble I exist in when it comes to these kinds of discussions.
Being asked questions I didn’t know the answer to or felt I could have answered better also made me think about how I can think I know things, but really I don’t.
My friend sent me a book about how to have better orgasms through the post unexpectedly, which was the absolute cutest. I’ve read the first 20 pages and am excited to read more.
I’m feeling very tired – I haven’t masturbated as much this week, even though it’s normally part of my daily routine.
I think having a lighter work week brings up lockdown sadness, so my level of arousal goes down a bit.
I’m back at work on Tuesday, so I’m sure it’ll pick up then.
Monday
I’ve been reading about spontaneous and responsive arousal today. I think I am definitely spontaneous, at least most of the time.
I did my laundry – my least favourite chore – and had a wank while I was waiting. It was a good one, a nice little throwback to a soft kink fantasy I think I started using when I was in my late teens.
I don’t tend to watch porn, but I will sometimes read it for inspiration. I’ve always preferred my own imagination though, that way I can put myself into the stories.
I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, which makes sense given my job. Maybe a submissive exhibitionist? I also quite like the word bimbo.
It doesn’t really matter however, as most of my partners don’t really want to throw me about, so I’m having a lot of vanilla sex at the moment. It’s nice in its own way, but takes some getting used to, I think.
Tuesday
I ended up having to take my housemate to A&E today.
I had planned on other things, but this meant it was not a very sexy day in the end.
My housemate is fine, but I found eight hours in A&E will ruin any sexual desire you might have had.
He had a panic attack after seeing his ex at a music festival. Monogamy really seems to f**k people up.
I’m still friendly with everyone I’ve ever dated, and I can’t help but feel this is because of my lack of need to be with just one person.
I just can’t really wrap my head around monogamy. I am still on a journey with ethical non-monogamy and sometimes will use polyamorous as a label even though I am yet to figure out if that fully resonates with me.
Every time I see people have these huge breakups and responses to being cheated on, it makes me so grateful that is not the lifestyle I want.
I can’t help but think of monogamy as transactional and based on ownership of one another.
I’m sure it works for lots of people, but there are basically zero things about it that seem appealing to me.
Wednesday
I’m very tired today. Worked till about 2pm, and clocked out because I was struggling to stay awake after last night. I wish this was to do with sex.
I masturbated when I woke up from a long nap. I chatted with my best friend on FaceTime (she lives in Norway) and we compare our preferences for various sexual acts.
I definitely prefer to have sex, of any kind, in the afternoon. That way everyone has been awake for long enough, they’re good and hydrated, and much less likely to get too tired to finish.
I also love a wank before bed – it feels so much more intimate to me. No need to get up and pee after, or clean your face again. I suppose that’s different if you have a penis.
There’s no stress if it takes a little while to get going. You can go as hard or soft as you like without having to relay the information which, when you’re a bit tired, can be really long.
Thursday
We have Covid in my house. I’m pissed off.
I was supposed to go on a date with a girl I had been talking to this weekend. That had to be postponed.
I sexted with a partner in the evening to try and get my mind off it.
I am an excellent sexter – I had a long-distance partner for two years, and you get pretty adept at it.
Having to isolate is still frustrating, though, as I feel like I’m going back in time, and I have been actively trying to pursue in-person sexual relationships to explore my sexuality with partners much more extensively than I have in the past.
I tested negative and am now isolating elsewhere. It’s only ten days, but being stuck at home brings forth so much horniness that being out and about does not. And wanking four times a day when working from home feels like the only way to pass the time…
*Names have been changed
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
Fancy taking part yourself? Email aidan.milan@metro.co.uk for more information.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk
MORE : How I Do It: ‘I walked in on my boyfriend of 10 years cheating but we still live together’
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